Consent

Sex Ed: 'How would you feel, if a girl has more than one boyfriend'
For the last fifteen years or so, there have been classes in colleges
enabling debate around notions of intimacy, listening, respect, consent.

LE MONDE
author: Mattea Battaglia
translation: doxa-louise

"Is it difficult, at thirteen, to create relationships with girls" The nine level 4 students
to whom Christine Héritier, couple and family coach working at  Bluets-Trousseau
Family Planning (Paris, Arrondissement 12), ask the question on this Friday at the end of May,
don't really see any problem. It is with amazing truthfulness that these youngsters between
13 and 15, for whom sex life is still, most often, at the projection stage, answer in the negative.
Add up and count again the girls they find attractive. Call each other out as 'seducers' and
'polygamists'...

Next to Christine Héritier, a woman from school personnel cuts in to remind them they are not
there to speak about themselves but about love relationships 'in general'. It is the very aim of
these sequences of sex ed inscribed in law for the last fifteen years ( three sessions a year, by age
group),but which one quarter of schools, according to the Haut Conseil à l'égalité, still don't
take advantage of.

"I would be gripped by hatred."

In this ZEP college (putting priority on staying in school) from easterly Paris, where the
students are often from immigrant families, and don't talk about 'that', in a family setting,
there is work to be done.And the nine boys seem to understand: on procreation, contraception
and puberty, they are top-notch, acknowledges the coach. With respect to everything having to do with a love relationship, it is harder to find agreement.

"The guy can, in his own head, not think of himself as in a couple relationship, while the
girl does", suggests Mourad. "The inverse is also true, whispers Christine Héritier. How
would you feel about a girl with many boyfriends?" "I would be gripped by hatred", answers
Killian.
"I would feel like hitting her", adds Karim. "Vengeance": the word resonates among the boys
(the girls are in another room, for their own session), without a clear indication of who said it.

The anecdotes begin. "If the girl sent photos of herself, on can post these to social media", argues
Karim. 'That way, everybody sees them, even her friends, even her mother", multiplies Mourad.
"Taking vengeance on betrayal, one can feel like doing it but know how to hold oneself back from
doing it, corrects Christine. To the others, What is your opinion. A number of the boys feel
that vengeance is justified. Even Kilian, who is yet taken with the story of a girl who "after
publication of a video, mutilated herself". 'I don't understand; what is the purpose,then, of
filming oneself?"

The exchange, in all its spontaneity, permits putting up for debate notions of intimacy, listening,
respect, consent. Terms which are then elevated to become principles which society takes up
"by expecting young people to articulate and put in practice,while all this is still terribly difficult for
adults" admit the women to themselves in aparté.

Asking a young woman if they can kiss her, or 'go beyond that' leaves these
young men speechless. "If a girl put this question to me, I would find that pretty weird"
suggests Adam. " Not if she is a dog!", joke the guys. "Keep in mind that not being in the
mood, and not daring to say it, happens often, concludes Christine Héritier. Because one
 can be surprised, feel shy, not ready...Because desire fluctuates."